Defending the regulars

Chatting about blogs yesterday, my really sweet and tender, blog-following-obsessed best friend was telling me that she's been reading this blog written by a stay at home mom of a bunch of kiddos (I think 5). This young blogger writes about mommy life...how she raises her bundles, what she feeds them, what she thinks about modern parenting...all of the things that make up so many blog themes. My friend was telling me how guilty she felt after perusing this woman's latest post, wherein said "green-mama" (or G-M, as I will from hereon out call her) pontificated about the virtues of all things organic, natural, etc. On and on about how bad cow's milk is for human babies, how little ones shouldn't be introduced to solid food until 9 months or later, how cereals are actually very difficult to digest and, thus, not a good starter food, and so on. It wasn't necessarily the topic that was guilt-inducing, but her tenor was such that she implied that if you did not abide by her rules, you were somehow shortchanging your child. Much of her philosophy is, first of all, contrary to what many pediatricians will tell you, but also very much specific to G-M's values, beliefs and general approach to life. And, on top of it, all of these things seem to me to be challenging with the restrictions of a full-time working mom on a budget who simply might not have the hours or dollars to spare to shop for organic this and that, to make baby food prescribed to the specifications that G-M believes we should all obey, and to research exactly what it is, then, we're supposed to feed our angels, if not the things our pediatricians recommend. *Phew...long sentence!!*

Since we had this conversation, I've been pondering why, exactly, I'm so fired up about this. I told my friend she should leave a comment and stop following the blog. I mean, who among us really has the time or energy to waste feeling guilty about what we're not doing as parents when we're actually doing the very best we can with what we've got to work with? So, maybe we don't all belong to families making six figures. Maybe we don't all have the ability to stay home, no matter how much we wish we could. Maybe we don't all have daily help in getting things done for our little ones. And maybe bloggers should take this into account before they start preaching that their way is the right way.

I think this blogging thing is a fabulous idea. It gives us amateurs a chance to express ourselves, to share our stories, and to feel like we matter out there somewhere. But, it shouldn't be just another platform from which to pat ourselves on the back, announcing to all that we know best and everyone else is coming up short. Maybe instead, we should all take a moment to walk a few inches, at least, in those other people's shoes and understand that their values or their circumstances and ours might be different. To me, it seems all part of a bigger societal issue that could really bring me down if I let it, which is this seeming bubble syndrome...despite widespread media coverage of every little thing on earth and the ability to research and become voyeurs into every nook and cranny thanks to modern technology, somehow I feel like we've simultaneously gone into our own little bubbles, forgetting how many unique circumstances actually exist. It's my way or no way for so many...talk about breeding closed-mindedness! I get believing strongly in your own convictions...and I admire passion and dedication to an ideal or a philosophy about anything. Stand up for it...FOR YOU. And remember that maybe you're convinced your belief is right, but it's not necessarily right for us all. And by implying (or blatantly saying) so, you're alienating most of the rest of us. And, in the case of perhaps well-meaning folks like G-M, you're making the job of mom (or whatever else) feel overwhelming and something we should be ashamed of. And, you know what, my friend is one of the best moms I know! So, for her to feel guilty that she's not providing her children with organic, 100% natural soy milk products, made and grown locally and cultivated using sterile instruments in a vacuumous environment blows my mind. Ultimately, she loves her kids and is driven by that love in all moments of her life. That, to me, my friends, is a darn good mom.

And that's what I have to say about that...until next time something sparks me to climb on my soap box...my poor kids...see what they have to look forward to? :)

A little scat...written not sung

When I think of scat in the music world, I think of something random but beautiful, so maybe entitling this entry as I did is self-flattering...and likely a misnomer, in light of the "beautiful" bit...but I also think of scat as coming off the top of someone's head. Since I'm in no way a regular Ella Fitzgerald (though Shawn sure thinks I am...his constant musical requests of me are, admittedly, more than a bit flattering!), I will scat here with the written word. I think most of my entries will be scattish. I'm not like other "bloggers" who have something particularly pertinant to write about or some kind of crafty idea to share or some amazing artwork to post. No...I'm just a regular chick who thinks about stuff and gets some kind of self-indulgent pleasure out of writing it down and knowing that it's there on the page for better or worse.

So, today I'm thinking about a lot of things...work, family, friends, and how to merge them all. I've been heading up an effort at my job to explore work-family balance. How do we as corporations, agencies, and good employers develop cultures that support our employees' needs to be good parents (or children, for that matter) while still maintaining high standards of work production? How do we address the national leadership crisis (yes, crisis...despite the present recession, lots and lots and LOTS of boomers will be retiring from leadership positions at ONCE and soon!)? What does the next generation want and need from employers...it's different, ya know. A lot different than our parents' or grandparents' needs. My parents both worked. 40 hours/week or more, Mom and Dad, for the majority of what I can remember (Mom went back when I started school) held meaningful public service jobs that did take them away from our home and out into the bigger work community. They have ben amazingly successful, worked their way up and up, and made a real difference in the world through their work. At the same time, I hated coming home from school to an empty house. I hated the title of "latch key kid". I hated feeling scared, hiding under the table when I heard funny noises. I don't want that to be the experience of my children. I want it all...home and work. I want to be as successful as my Mom and Dad, to give back, to make a difference, to leave a positive footprint. But I want to do that at work AND in my children's lives. Yet, I don't feel that many workplaces respect this new viewpoint, held by my contemporaries, most of whom shared my experience and, despite a strong work ethic, don't want work to own their lives. Work should supplement our lives, but family, children...that's the real LIVING in life! And I am hoping to be able to figure out how to balance the need to make an income and the desire to make a difference in the work world with my responsibility to be a good, present, loving, effective Mom. If anyone has any brilliant answers to this...fill me in! I know more people than not, Moms particularly, who struggle with the same questions. Most of us just want to stay home and be our kids' parents...but alas, our society puts no monetary value on that! So, I search...praying to find the magic answers! And I will continue my search...as with most things...perhaps endlessly!! But diligently!

Until next time I have a thought that moves me...