ANYway...For my birthday (which was July 5th, in case any of you forgot to celebrate), my only wish was to have maternity photos done. I didn't do this when I was pregnant with Shawn, but know a number of people who have done them and I just think they're so beautiful. Brianna being the second child, I have this nagging fear that she's going to be second best (or maybe third or fifth, given the other grandchildren). Already I see it...people ask less about how things are going, seem less interested or concerned about the pregnancy and the baby's development, and just generally treat it as if it's old hat, just because this isn't my first time. I get it, don't get me wrong...but it certainly implies something about how people are going to treat her or think of her in comparison to the majestic welcome that Shawn received.
Shawn has a pretty engaging personality, so I know that's part of it. He goes into a room, a store, a restaurant, a parking lot, a landfill...and everyone seems drawn to him. It's really astounding...and those moments bring me such pride. I love how much he cares about people and how interested he is in them. He loves to have us list everyone he knows over and over and, at only 25 months, knows most people in our lives' "real" or "whole names" (e.g., Mommy's real name is Pam) and where they live by town (or in the case of his Uncle Chris, by city and country - Dubrovnik, Croatia). It's an odd phenomenon, but says a lot about how into relationships and people he is. He just needs to know everything he can about everyone! It's just an example of how easy it is to be drawn to him.
And my mind and heart wonder...what about Brianna?
Already you all seem so less into her and you haven't even met her yet. That's not really fair, and I pray with all my heart that it ends when everyone sees her sweet angel face! I know she'll be as amazing as Shawn...well, you won't have to convince ME anyway! I've read all about Leos and have learned that they love to be the center of attention, love to be on stage, and will make sure they get the attention they need. I was scared in the beginning about the prospect of having a girl and of having a Leo...but now I'm completely sure it's the perfectly right thing. God knows what He's doing...Brianna will make you see and love her!! But, at the same time, I'm a Mommy who is very aware that no one get the short end of the stick.
So, to return to my original train of thought..back to the photo session... The shoot last night was a maternity shoot. First, our incredible photographer, Chelse photographed the whole fam (Bob, Shawn and me). Shawn was a bit not into it. He was okay at first, but I think really wanted to just focus on running around and exploring the gorgeous landscape of the park Chelse chose for the shoot. There was a family of deer just on the other side of the meadow and he loved watching them...I thought it was incredibly appropriate for the mood of the day. Family photos:.Family of Deer...there was a Mama, Daddy, and three babies. It was mesmerizing and I can understand Shawn wanting to focus there instead of on posing (though I was all for the camera!! Vain, as I said). So, she did as much as she could while letting him run, Shawn periodically turning to her and yelling "no pictures, no pictures", waving his hand toward her as if this would somehow mystically ward her off. No such luck for him. The family shoot came to an end and then Shawn got to go with Daddy to the playground, but not before getting up close and personal (like, within 20 feet) with two very baby deer. Bob said Shawn just loved it!
Chelse and I were off to do more shots of just Bri and I. And it was amazing. Seriously, if you're pregnant or thinking of becoming pregnant, I urge you to do this! The results will be timeless. I can't wait to share these with Brianna...I imagine a time when I no longer have a glimmer of youth on my side, when my little girl will be awestruck by how different her Mom looked. I imagine sitting with her and telling her what it was like then, how much this pregnancy overwhelmed me with joy, what a miracle she is. I imagine her wondering what we were all like...how times were different...how her Mom became the person she is now from the person she looked like then. While riding to one of the sites for the shots last night, Chelse and I were talking about this. She said her mom did photos when she was pregnant with her and that she loves to look at them; that it's fascinating to see her Mom so young. I remember looking at photographs of my Mom and Dad's wedding when I was a kid...the color seemed classic, the images captured were like memories from their minds that I could peek into for just a moment. I loved that. I used to look at them all the time and, somehow, although it was before I was even a consideration, I still feel like I was there.
My parents' wedding is part of my history...and in the same way, I want this time to be an element of Bri's history. I hope that's what I'm giving her. Because, the experience of yesterday was incredible too...feeling beautiful only 4 weeks before Brianna's due...having someone appreciate the pregnant female form...not being afraid to bare that baby belly...feeling like some kind of super model!! But, all of that is for me alone. I know that's just me feeding my vanity and needing to be validated. I know this...I'm a social worker...I do know my own issues!
In the end, though, I wanted to do this for her. I wanted something that could make this pregnancy special, different, set it apart from the first go-round...to help her know that it was all of these things to me, even if it was my second pregnancy. She is unique...and this is one way to represent that fact. I really loved the experience and the pictures that I've seen so far are unbelieveably well done (thank you, Chelse!!). But, more than that, I love that this moment, this experience, is captured in our unique family history. And I pray that Brianna Sadie knows just how amazingly special she already is!!
Thanks, as always, for letting this vain exhibitionist share another moment! Until another thought strikes...
~P
